Just Saying (6/19)

just saying

So, its been a while since I've journaled and normally I'm totally opposed to writing a "blog" for all to see. But, I'm sitting here thinking and so here it goes. It's has been a CRAZY last few months. Life has been going 100mph plus and its been a chaotic whirlwind but I must say that one thing remains to hold true, and that's God and his gracious love and security. Over the past couple months I've dealt with things that really caused emotional turmoil in my life, but yet made me just a bit stronger in my faith with God. However, all along i've been putting myself aside, thinking it's what Jesus would do. But, sometimes it happens that we forget to love and care for ourselves, so in the midst of loving everyone us, we lose sight of "us". That has happened to me, and so finally I surrendered to God. When I felt like I could not take the emptiness anymore that derives from not being able to do enough, to "fix" things I realized it's not all for me to fix, but rather to turn over to Him. And, just the other night I sat down and cried about it and spoke with God about it in a way I have yet to do so. I cried about why people hurt and don't feel loved, why people ever have to second guess their own self worth. I cried about being so financially fortunate when others aren't even sure that they will be able to provide food for their family, I cried because I look at 3 beautiful smiles everyday and I know how uneasy their lives really are. I cry because I don't know what will come for them. I cried because I'm on edge with the people I love, because I don't know for sure what tomorrow brings in my own life. We're getting married, without jobs and I'm still in school and that scares the mess out of me. But, the constant ALWAYS outweighs the stress. And, that constant is God, and his amazing people. As, I was talking to a very dear friend of mine the other night on the phone, I was expressing how stressed and concerned I am about my future, and she says " you know I think it's ok to be there, to not know" and she's right.... just trust and perservere.God will deal with the rest. My life is above and beyond blessed and filled with joy, and so what when the world and its biggest fan Satan try to get me down? I can press on. Because I am loved, by God, and some incredible poeple. And, all I can shoot for is another day, to be in the presence of God, and to live for Him and His people. To love His people, hurt when they hurt and pray feriously that all come to know Him. Anyway, I just wanted to get this out, and hopefully encourage some one else who may think "life is hard...it sucks" that you ARE not alone ...we all have ALOT to deal with. But, because of the greatest sacrifice ever made we can press on and we can live meaningful lives!